‘Dating other people saved our marriage’

Poppy Scarlett, from London, has been dating the same person for 10 years while also dating other people.

She said her early monogamous relationships “never felt right”, in contrast “living in a way that celebrates loving and connecting with multiple people is more aligned with who she is”, she said.

Like many others in the polyamorous community she said she viewed it as an important part of her identity.

It’s something she regularly posts about on social media.

“Ethical non-monogamy is a spectrum that encompasses many different relationship orientations,” Ms Scarlett, who is bisexual, said.

“As well as polyamorous people, there are swingers and people who enjoy threesomes, and those people might consider it to be a ‘lifestyle’ rather than a core part of their identity.

“But with polyamorous people, who want to be open to multiple, simultaneous loving relationships, it is often an important part of who we are.”

Ms Scarlett said she chose to “come out” to her mother when she was first fell in love with two people. Her family were supportive of her and were “pleased to see her happy”, she added.

In her experience, she said social media could be an unforgiving place,

“I’ve had to ban certain words like degenerate, or you get people saying ‘you’re happy now, but wait until you’re alone when you’re 50’.

“My content is there to help people who might be feeling like monogamy doesn’t work for them and they want to try something different.”

At the heart of all her relationships, she said, was an eagerness to ensure the other person feels comfortable.

“For me, polyamory is more than just a relationship style.

“It’s a philosophy about connection. I want my partners to be happy and to have autonomy to interact with whomever they like, in whatever way they like.

“People assume that we’re all just doing whatever we like all the time and casually sleeping with loads of people, but actually we spend a lot of time talking about our feelings and working out how to show up for each other.”