Campaign group warn of social media impact

A group of families whose loved ones died in road collisions are asking people to think before they share images or details of crashes on social media.

The ‘It’s not your story to tell’ campaign aims to promote responsible behaviour online and urges people to consider the impact of their actions on bereaved families.

It has been launched by the newly-established Road Victim Support Northern Ireland-Donegal campaign group.

“It is family grief, it should be the family who tell their story,” said campaigner Marie O’Brien, whose daughter Caoimhe was killed in a crash in 2016.

She was 23 when she was killed on the road between Londonderry and Strabane.

Speaking to BBC Radio Foyle’s North West Today Mrs O’Brien said she ended up “fighting the internet” as she tried to let her son know Caoimhe had died before he found out on social media.

Police had called to the family home in the early hours of the morning.

“When I opened the door and seen the policeman in uniform, and a police woman in her own clothes, I just knew something was badly wrong,” she said.

“They didn’t have to tell me, I just knew.”

The officers asked if she could contact the rest of the family.

“I said I can’t get in touch with my son until the morning, they said they would hold back releasing Caoimhe’s name until I got in touch with him,” Mrs O’Brien said.

“So it was me fighting the internet to get him before he got a notification on his phone to say Caoimhe was dead.”

Caoimhe’s name was already being circulated online by the time she did manage to speak with her son, she added.

“Her friends were waking up with this notification on their phones, phoning me saying ‘is this true, is Caoimhe dead?’

“That is no way (to find out). There was no respect for us as a family, no respect or dignity thought about. It is not how you want people to hear.”

The new campaign has a simple message, Mrs O’Brien said.

“Before you post, before you share, before you hit send, stop.

“Think about the family behind the tragedy, think about the mother making that call, about the brother who deserves to hear it from someone who loves him, not from a notification.

“That’s why ‘It is not your story to tell’ is so important to me.”

Debbie Mullan’s 17-year-old son Keelan died after the car he was driving was involved in a crash with a tractor in March 2013.

Keelan had been going to the local shop near his family home in the village of Drumsurn, County Londonderry, to get a loaf of bread while his father made a start on breakfast.

Mrs Mullan, a counsellor who chairs the new cross border group, told BBC Radio Foyle that social media content could have a “devastating impact” on bereaved families.

“I think it is the mindset now that people do seem to pull out their phones all too often and hit record without any thought of what they post. It seems to be an automatic response,” she said.

“What they are not thinking about is the trauma, the retraumatisation they are causing for families.”

A Police Service of Northern Ireland (PSNI) spokesperson said they hoped members of the public would be respectful and not cause further distress to grieving families.

Meanwhile, the Gardaí (Irish police) have also asked people to stop and think before sharing information online about road accidents, saying it would give grieving families time and space in their most devastating moments.

Eamonn Karran, from Derry, is also involved with the campaign group and is leading an initiative to specifically help bereaved men.

His 18-year-old son, Noah, died in a crash in September 2023.

“Society does expect the father to stand up to a certain degree and look after the family but in situations like this when you become so vulnerable and so weak, it is a very difficult thing to do.”

He said it was important to seek help, even in the early stages.

He said his group’s ‘men’s time to talk’ initiative provided “a safe space for men to talk, men who are grieving or struggling”.

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