‘I have nothing to go back to’ – LA fires heartbreak

Most of my village, I’d say about 90%, has been razed to the ground. It’s all gone. I’m reeling from the shock, from the devastation and from everything my community has lost.

I’m planning to leave the city and stay with friends further north where it’s safe and there’s no smoke. I think it will be a while before I want to come back to LA.

It’s surreal to think there’s literally nothing to go back to. No home, no library, no stores, no kids’ karate dojo, no theatre, no community centre. It’s all just gone. I keep thinking “I should have grabbed more of my stuff before I fled”.

But then I think back to one crystal-clear moment before I fled my house: standing in my bedroom, trying to choose which pair of earrings to take with me – a gold pair of hoops my sisters had gifted me for my 30th, or a pair of handmade abalone shell earrings that a Native American woman had given me after reporting on her community.

I told myself, out loud: “Only take what you need. What do you need?” And I realised in a moment of clarity, whilst I was frantically scanning all of my favourite clothes, shoes, and jewellery, that I really didn’t need any of it.

I grabbed my grandmother’s ring, passports, birth certificates, and left everything else to burn.